PRESS RELEASE from SIR ALBERT BROCK KCB, Chief Constable, Wiltshire Constabulary

Successful Debut of New Unit

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The Flying Column deploy in defence of a vital asset

I am most happy to report that our new Flying Column, commanded by Chief Superintendent Ronald Bigsworth-Hill, has completed its first mission out of County and has recorded a noteworthy success in the process.

In pursuit of our stated aim of confronting extreme elements of whatever stripe wherever they should appear, I ordered Chief Superintendent Bigsworth-Hill to Herefordshire where concentrations of various undesirable elements were reported. Operating in support of local moderate forces, the Column succeeded in not only foiling the designs of revolutionary traitors but also caused the demise of a thuggish individual, one “Major” Straitt-Jackett, who has featured on my Wanted list for some time.

The people of Herefordshire will join with those of our native county in hailing Chief Superintendent Bigsworth-Hill’s glorious debut.

 


Report From Chief Superintendent Ronald Bigsworth-Hill

Acting on orders from Sir Albert BROCK, I led the Wiltshire Police Flying Column into Wigmore County in Herefordshire to counter the activities of various traitorous extremist groups of both the Left and Right of the political spectrum. The Flying Column was set-up with this express purpose in mind so my men greeted their mission with enthusiasm.

 

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Advancing against the fascists

 

After sending our heavy weapons and motorcycle section off to join the Central Reserve, we deployed alongside Mr Himalaya Joe and his local volunteers. They were concentrated in defence of an important strategic asset.

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An important objective to deny the enemy

 

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Local farmers assist in livestock rescue

A vital objective was securing livestock to succour the defenders and deny them to the enemy. Farmers bravely assisted.

 

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The enemy approaches – faux-sailors, confused, deluded and misguided

 

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Members of the WPFC rescue some geese

 

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To the east, the cricket ground is peaceful – but not for long

 

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WPFC elements move forward

Platoon HQ heavy machine gun section occupies a bunker, supported by the RCMP special section, on secondment from the Dominions

 

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WPFC artillery

The platoon is greatly cheered by the arrival of the artillery section – its Spotters hurry forward, much appreciated by farm-workers, engaged in livestock rescue.

 

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First round from the artillery is spot on! The unmourned demise of Straitt-Jackett

With their opening shot, the WPFC artillery score a “major” hit…! Aiming with surgical precision, the gunners eliminate the BUF commander, the notorious, murderous thug, so-called “Major” Straitt-Jackett. This poisonous individual has been high on Chief Constable Brock’s Wanted list for some time and has now met his inevitable end.

 

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The enemy,,,! The brainwashed gels of Cheltenham Ladies’ College with a BUF HMG in support. Sad

 

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The 3rd Section, barely out of training but full of British spunk, are directed with cool precision by Platoon Sergeant, Ted Mundy

 

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The enemy mobile artillery, no match for the WPFC gunners

 

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One of Himalaya Joe’s bombardiers bravely attacks an enemy armoured car.

 

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Meanwhile, to the east, a foul, communist behemoth is accosted by a choleric land-owner in full regimentals and an ugly incident is only averted by the intervention of the popular songstress, the fragrant Gracie Fields

 

 

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Also on the eastern flank, the WPFC tank (a prototype Canadian design, rescued by Chief Superintendent Bigsworth-Hill from the railway sidings at Gloucester docks) reinforces the defenders of the cricket ground. Despite being driven round backwards, it gave valuable service.

 

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And then a strange lull fell over the battlefield. The odd selection of deluded rightists facing the WPFC saw the error of their ways and joined the defenders. The communists were in danger of breaking through from the east (appropriately to the left) and threatening Wigmore Hall (seen on the hill top in the photo).

 

 

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And so there was a general move to the north as erstwhile enemies joined forces against the common foe, the WPFC leading the way.

 

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Quickly redeploying to face the new danger, the WPFC artillery opened upon the red hordes

 

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The Cheltenham girls, eager to atone for their previous allegiance, assault the communist infantry

 

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WPFC artillery enthusiastically greet Chief Superintendent Bigsworth-Hill in his prototype scout car. Their shells wreak havoc upon the communist convoy. The RCMP section are in reserve

 

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The 1st Section, WPFC, first to the enemy as always, mount a stout defence despite heavy losses

 

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Waves of red infantry, driving looted livestock before them, bear down on the gallant 1st Section, WPFC

 

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As defenders gather to deny the communist advance, the RCMP, old campaigners, take the opportunity for a nap

 

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WPFC HMG section coolly await the enemy

 

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Looking west from Wigmore Hall’s ornamental garden, the masses of defenders converging on the faltering advance of the reds confirms that victory belongs to the defenders

 

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As if a successful defence was not enough, the WPFC motorcycle section and tank lead a stunning counter attack to complete the destruction of the communist’s plans

 

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Elsewhere, the Wigmore cricket team knock the Anglicans for 6…!

 

 

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And so, as the BUF humbly admit the error of their ways and the communists dissolve in humiliating disarray, the triumphant Wiltshire Police Flying Column return to their home county, quietly content that they have rendered a corner of Herefordshire safe from extremist threat

 

 

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Send in the Clowns

The Clowns are not happy. After losing their precious Thing to Sir Rufus’ men (see Clowning Around in Nether Winslet), they decide on an immediate revenge attack. So the day after the disaster happened, having sobered up, they head back to Nether Winslet, accompanied by their faithful chimpanzees. This time, as well as being sober, they also have weapons. Even better, their wives are not about to be left out. Grabbing their shotguns, the ladies join the party.

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THE LEAGUES

Clowns: Bim Bom Carequina (Leader); Achillie Fratinelli (Sidekick); Mrs Carequina (Ally); Mrs Fratinelli (Ally); Chimp 1 (Follower); Chimp 2 (Follower); Chimp 3 (Follower)

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From the left: Bim Bom Carequina; Mrs Carequina; Achillie Fratinelli; Mrs Fratinelli; Chimp 3; Chimp 1; Chimp 2

 

Sir Rufus’s Men: Nick Harper (Leader); Barney Welch (Sidekick); Dan Butcher (Ally); Phil Mimms (Ally); Tony Butcombe (Follower); Alf Dearheart (Follower)

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From the left: Nick Harper; Barney Welch; Dan Butcher; Phil Mimms; Tony Butcombe; Alf Dearheart

 

 

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The Clowns advance menacingly up the road, chimps in the lead. Young Alf Dearheart posted as lookout races down the road in front of them in the League van, reaching speeds in excess of 30mph! The rest of Sir Rufus’s men are, regrettably suffering from dreadful hangovers and are unable to move although Dan Butcher (in checked cap) is alert enough to take a shot which, predictably, is wide of the mark.

 

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The chimps are the advance guard of the Clown league but immediately, Chimp 2 falls over a rabbit hole, injures a leg and is unable to move (failed challenge)

 

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The rest of the Clown group proceed to the crossroads with Chimps 1 and 3 in the lead, tasked with stealing the van’s keys

 

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Inside the pub, Alf Dearheart in the brown hat, brings Nick Harper up to date on what is happening. Behind the bar, the publican (plot point) casually smokes a cigar. Does he know something?

 

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Barney Welch, woken from an uncomfortable night in the outside privy, is alerted to danger by Dan Butcher’s shot.

 

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Turn 2 Mrs Fratinelli, sporting a fetching blue hat, attempts to climb over a fence so as to outflank Dan, trips over her skirt and falls over (failed peril). Chimp 1 halts looking bemused (failed challenge – initiative passes). Dan Butcher leans into van, gets the keys and retreats towards pub door, covered by shots from Tony and Alf who has emerged from the pub. No hits!

 

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Barney Welch emerges from the latrine and heads round the back of the pub to attack the Clowns as they approach the phone box. Meanwhile, Nick has questioned the publican and discovered the whereabouts of The Thing (successful plot point). Tony Butcombe is attacked by Chimp 3 – he’s down and out!

 

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Bim Bom attempts to open phone box door (plot point) and is thrown to the floor by an electric shock. Achillie makes the same attempt and is also knocked to the floor by a shock. Mrs Carequina protects the downed menfolk with a shotgun blast straight down the main road. Alf Dearheart is caught in the deadly cone of fire – down and out. Dan Butcher manages to dodge out of danger

 

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Mrs Fratinelli recovers and leaps the fence into the adjacent field whilst Barney also crosses into the road. They advance towards each other.

 

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Bim Bom and Achillie both recover. Achillie moves to block the road to the east while Bim Bom attempts to enter the phone box again, this time succesfully but he can’t quite understand the writing in the notebook he finds (partial success of plot point challenge).

 

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Anxious to escape the threat of Mrs Carequina’s shotgun, Dan dodges into the pub whilst Nick heads out to collect The Thing

 

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Achillie moves to the cross roads just in time to spot Barney moving towards the phone box. Achillie fires and hits! Mrs Fratinelli moves to the hedge and also takes a shot. Hit. Barney is down!

 

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Chimps 1 and 3 rush to stop Nick Harper who emerges from pub. Chimp 3 is unluckily struck by a slate falling off the pub roof (failed challenge) and is down and out but Chimp 1 gets to Nick and attacks him. Nick gives him a solid punch which the chimp shrugs off with disdain

 

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Mrs Carequina cooly blocks the eastern road, shotgun at the ready

 

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Bim Bom succeeds in reading the note in the phone box (plot point success).

 

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Having learned the whereabouts of The Thing, Bim Bom races to secure it while Achillie and Mrs Carequina block the road to prevent any enemy interference

 

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Having made sure that Barney Welch is out of action, Mrs Fratinelli enters the backyard of the pub to prevent any of Nick’s men from sneaking out of the back door

 

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Hearing a noise in the backyard, Dan Butcher decides to check the back door

 

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Mrs Fratinelli cautiously approaches the back door

 

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Meanwhile, Nick and the chimp slug it out. The chimp misses and Nick lands another shrewd blow but once again, the chimp shows no sign of even being aware he’s been hit

 

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Mrs Carequina and Achillie make sure that Bim Bom’s back is covered whilst……….

 

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…………he finds The Thing and, with shouts of glee, makes off with it

 

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Unaware that his side has lost The Thing, Nick continues to battle the chimp but the hairy primate will not yield. Thanks to his courage, the clowns’ quest to regain The Thing has been successful

 

A great victory for the Clowns. Securing The Thing was all that counted in this game and they achieved that with only the loss of two chimps (who both recovered and are once again hosting tea parties).

Nick Harper, when he realised the extent of his defeat (all his men except Dan Butcher being casualties) had the unenviable job of reporting back to Sir Rufus. Unsurprisingly, the mountainous rage exhibited by Sir Rufus, never a sympathetic man at the best of times, was of a degree unsurpassed in the experience of all who witnessed it. Subsequently, during the many months he spent emptying and cleaning the various middens on his employer’s estate, Nick Harper had ample time to relive that moment when he had informed Sir Rufus of the disaster at Nether Winslet.

 

 

Clowning Around in Nether Winslet

Sir Rufus Pitt-Bulstrode, cousin of the famous Sir Gilbert Hill, has been musing on the advisability of raising a company amongst his estate workers and descending with fire and sword upon the more recalcitrant inhabitants of Borsetshire. By which he means communists, socialists, fascists and any other damn “-ists” who presume to disturb the county’s peace and tranquillity during the current constitutional crisis.

However, he is distracted from the serious business of Civil War by still having to deal with the nuisance of Dr Weevil. That madman, with his coterie of cultist followers, is persisting in trying to get his hands on The Thing and thus realise his dream of world domination, or at least of a place on the Borsetshire County Council. Thus when Sir Rufus had a telephone call telling him of “goings-on” in the hamlet of Nether Winslet, he despatched a party of armed estate workers to deal with the matter.

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BUT ALL IS NOT AS IT SHOULD BE IN THE HAMLETDSC01492

Arriving in the vicinity of the hamlet, Nick Harper, the party leader quickly assessed the situation. Two clowns from a circus which had set up in the next village had slipped out to visit the pub in Nether Winslett, taking with them their pet chimpanzees. They also had with them The Thing. However, they were unaware of the significance of The Thing. They thought it was merely an attractive musical box, which was why they had stolen it in the first place (but that’s another story). Having become extremely drunk on the potent Borsetshire cider, they attempted to telephone the circus owner to fetch them back in his car. In their inebriated state, they had forgotten that travelling circuses do not have telephones. Eventually giving up on the telephone call, they staggered out intending to get back to the pub, leaving The Thing in the telephone box.

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Nick managed to piece together a garbled version of this story from accounts given by scandalised locals. He also learnt that a mysterious stranger, dressed in weird robes and with a group of similarly peculiar followers, was approaching from the other side of the hamlet. This could only be the nefarious Dr Weevil…! The game was afoot and time was of the essence…!

table

Unfortunately, the photographer from the Borsetshire Gazette arrived too late to record the proceedings, despite having been given ample warning by Sir Rufus. He and Nick Harper were anxious not to disappoint Sir Rufus (always a dangerous thing to do) and so the action was reconstructed for the cameras although, unfortunately, without the participation of Dr Weevil who had long since departed. He and his men were represented in the reconstruction by empty spaces in the landscape.

 

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Eschewing unmanly caution, Nick boldly charged directly towards the telephone box whilst his followers set out to apprehend the clowns and their chimpanzees in the hope of gaining useful information. Despite harassing fire from Weevil’s cronies, Nick secured The Thing and removed it to safety whilst his men held off the cultists.

NICK’S MEN SPREAD OUT ROUND THE VILLAGEDSC01493

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Fire fights broke out to the North and South of the hamlet in which the Dr’s followers came off worse. They did manage to interrogate one of the clowns and to capture a chimp with intention of holding it to ransom in exchange for information.

 

AN INEBRIATED CLOWN APPROACHES Dr WEEVIL SAYING “YOU’RE MY BEST MATE”IMG_5909

Nick’s men secured the other chimp at which point both sides broke off the action and retired from the field. Weevil had been denied The Thing although the information he obtained may encourage him to continue with his evil schemes.

 

NICK, WITH “THE THING” SAFELY IN HIS GRASP, LEADS HIS MEN TO THE PUB FOR A WELL-EARNED PINTDSC01423a

 

GAME INFO:

Plot Points – Major Point in the telephone box. Minor Points the two clowns and the chimps

Weevil secured 2 minor points

Nick Harper secured the major point and 1 minor

Result – Victory for Nick

Small Disturbance at Little Bedding

Sir Gilbert Hill, taking time out from his vital efforts in the Civil War, was visiting his cousin, Sir Rufus Pitt-Bulstrode, Squire of Much Rampling in Borsetshire. However, before he had time for a well-deserved snifter, he was made aware that all was not well in the Much Rampling area.

Apparently Sir Rufus, as chairman of the local Watch Committee, had got wind of a planned attempt by some political roughnecks to disrupt the annual fete in the neighbouring village of Little Bedding. Sir Rufus had to make an effort to prevent this happening; the local bobby at Little Bedding, Constable Gravy, had no chance of taking on the hooligans on his own. However, Sir Rufus could not call on any of his employees or tenants because they were all, so he said, vitally employed elsewhere.

Realising what was coming, Sir Gilbert, displaying his characteristic brio, offered to come to the rescue. “Don’t worry, old boy, I’ll send some of my people – they’ll put these scoundrels to the rightabout”. He gave instructions to his man, Stirrup to gather together a suitable group from amongst his followers and sent him off to do battle against whomsoever should disturb the Little Bedding peace.

ALL IS CALM AS THE LITTLE BEDDING FETE GETS UNDER WAY
ALL IS CALM AS THE LITTLE BEDDING FETE GETS UNDER WAY

 

Stirrup assembled the following from Sir Gilbert’s entourage and set out for the village.

Stirrup (Leader)
Fragrance Sweetmeat, Sir Gilbert’s secretary
Roger Gently (Tenant farmer)
Constable Smallbottom
Marlborough, Sir Gilbert’s Dog

 

As the morris men warm up in the park.....
As the morris men warm up in the park…..

 

.....and customers enjoy a drink outside the pub.....
…..and customers enjoy a drink outside the pub…..

 

...trouble is brewing

At the other end of the village, trouble was brewing.

Roughneck Agitators
Cecil Pimms (Leader) aided by:
Bert, Sam, Bill
PLUS 8 local ne’er-do-wells

 

 Constable Gravy, intent on watching the morris men, is still unaware of danger

Constable Gravy, intent on watching the morris men, is still unaware of danger

 

 

 

 Miss Marble, the village school teacher, tells an itinerant she doesn't want to buy a watch
Miss Marble, the village school teacher, tells an itinerant she doesn’t want to buy a watch

 

 

 Stirrup sends his League into the village from the south - Constable Broadbottom on the left; Roger Gently with Marlborough in the centre and Miss Sweetmeat on the right. The morris men head for the pub
Stirrup sends his League into the village from the south – Constable Broadbottom on the left; Roger Gently with Marlborough in the centre and Miss Sweetmeat on the right. The morris men head for the pub

 

From the north, more riff-raff stream into the village
From the north, more riff-raff stream into the village

 

 

The doctor and his wife hurry to get indoors as gang members line their hedge
The doctor and his wife hurry to get indoors as gang members line their hedge

 

 

Miss Sweetmeat, as always, takes up a favourable position
Miss Sweetmeat, as always, takes up a favourable position…..

 

 

....as does Consatable Broadbottom
….as does Constable Broadbottom

 

 

 Meanwhile, 2 female hooligans, brush past staff and customers at the pub in search of a victim

Meanwhile, 2 female hooligans, brush past staff and customers at the pub in search of a victim

 

 

However, the victim - a well known con-man - is ready and deals with his assailants
However, the victim – a well known con-man – is ready and deals with both of his assailants

 

 

 Pimms' Followers now swarm into the park - scattering by-standers (including a reporter and photographer. One miscreant falls while climbing over the wall and breaks a leg - he's out of it...! Constable Gravy remains calm

Pimms’ followers now swarm into the park – scattering by-standers (including a reporter and photographer). One miscreant falls while climbing over the wall and breaks a leg – he’s out of it…!
Constable Gravy remains calm

 

 

 Others (including the sinister figure of Pimms himself) move up the road and through the doctor's garden. The doctor and his wife flee in terror

Others (including the sinister figure of Pimms himself) move up the road and through the doctor’s garden. The doctor and his wife flee in terror

 

 

 Accurate fire from Constable Broadbottom and Roger Gently take out 2 of Pimms' hooligans. Another suffers the consequences of falling off a wall

Accurate fire from Constable Broadbottom and Roger Gently take out 2 of Pimms’ hooligans. Another suffers the consequences of falling off a wall

 

 

Stirrup himself now advances along the main road towards the enemy
Stirrup himself now advances along the main road towards the enemy

 

 

Meanwhile, Marlborough the dog, attacks the enemy as they move through the park
Meanwhile, Marlborough the dog, attacks the enemy as they move through the park

 

 

Personal Message (Online) Re: Small Disturbance at Little Bedding - PA AAR Part 3 now posted « Reply #9 on: September 01, 2015, 03:40:03 PM » Reply with quoteQuote Modify messageModify Quote Brilliant, Doug. Pure eye candy with a generous dollop of chuckling for good measure. Thanks, Paul. I'm such a fan of your games, this is praise indeed... Cheesy Quote from: d phipps on August 30, 2015, 11:51:05 PM Great stuff! Keep 'em coming. Cheesy If you are not familiar with our Phantom Agent promo, check it out at --- http://store.pulpalley.com/ You can pick up some unique promo Pulp Alley cards, but please be sure to read and follow the instructions. Wink HAVE FUN Thanks so much - been there and placed my request - whooppee...! Quote from: Wolf Girl on September 01, 2015, 04:01:38 AM I love your terrain Love You have some great stuff Thanks Wolfgirl - I appreciate than coming from you - your games looks so gorgeous... Cheesy Right then, let's see if we can wrap this AAR up.... Turn 2 and the formidable figure of Stirrup appears on the scene Marlborough, the dog, rushes to the attack A setback for Stirrup's League - Constable Broadbottom takes hit
A setback for Stirrup’s League – Constable Broadbottom takes a hit

 

 

Personal Message (Online) Re: Small Disturbance at Little Bedding - PA AAR Part 3 now posted « Reply #9 on: September 01, 2015, 03:40:03 PM » Reply with quoteQuote Modify messageModify Quote Brilliant, Doug. Pure eye candy with a generous dollop of chuckling for good measure. Thanks, Paul. I'm such a fan of your games, this is praise indeed... Cheesy Quote from: d phipps on August 30, 2015, 11:51:05 PM Great stuff! Keep 'em coming. Cheesy If you are not familiar with our Phantom Agent promo, check it out at --- http://store.pulpalley.com/ You can pick up some unique promo Pulp Alley cards, but please be sure to read and follow the instructions. Wink HAVE FUN Thanks so much - been there and placed my request - whooppee...! Quote from: Wolf Girl on September 01, 2015, 04:01:38 AM I love your terrain Love You have some great stuff Thanks Wolfgirl - I appreciate than coming from you - your games looks so gorgeous... Cheesy Right then, let's see if we can wrap this AAR up.... Turn 2 and the formidable figure of Stirrup appears on the scene Marlborough, the dog, rushes to the attack A setback for Stirrup's League - Constable Broadbottom takes hit and is down and out and his Plot Point is up for grabs Matters get worse. Roger Gently races to Constable Broadbottom to rescue the situation and is in turn despatched himself. Finally disaster. Miss Sweetmeat attempts to leap the wall to help her comrades and gets tangled up in her long dress and crashes to the ground.
Matters get worse. Roger Gently races to Constable Broadbottom to rescue the situation and is in turn despatched himself. Finally disaster. Miss Sweetmeat attempts to leap the wall to help her comrades and gets tangled up in her long dress and crashes to the ground.

 

 

Constable Broadbottom and Miss Scarlet had been gathering evidence of Pimm's criminal intentions. In an attempt to secure these, Pimm advances towards the helpless pair. However, in the nick of time, he is confronted by the redoubtable Stirrup.
Constable Broadbottom and Miss Scarlet had been gathering evidence of Pimms’ criminal intentions. In an attempt to secure these, Pimms advances towards the helpless pair. However, in the nick of time, he is confronted by the redoubtable Stirrup.

 

 

At the same time, in the park, the heroic dog Marlborough despatches his opponent, only to fall bleeding to the ground himself seconds later....ahhh
At the same time, in the park, the heroic dog Marlborough despatches his opponent, only to fall bleeding to the ground himself seconds later….ahhh

 

 

Stirrup deals with Pimm despite the latter's great size and strength and then despatched the one remaining enamy with a burst from his smg. The day goes to Sir Gilbert's men at the cost of several cuts and bruises and a nasty rip to Miss Sweetmeat's dress. Marlborough the dog was patched up by the local vet and was soon back on his feet. Most of Pimm's hooligans fled although the local police, led by Constable Gravy, were able to arrest several of the more seriously injured.
Stirrup deals with Pimms despite the latter’s great size and strength and then despatches the one remaining enemy with a burst from his smg.
The day goes to Sir Gilbert’s men at the cost of several cuts and bruises and a nasty rip to Miss Sweetmeat’s dress. Marlborough the dog was patched up by the local vet and was soon back on his feet. Most of Pimm’s hooligans fled although the local police, led by Constable Gravy, were able to arrest several of the more seriously injured.

 

 

This game was played with the Pulp Alley rules to see how they would work in a VBCW-era setting.

Answer? Pretty good. I’ve left out references to Pulp Alley rule devices such as “Plot Points”. As it happens, Stirrup, as the Last Man Standing would have harvested all the plot points if time (ie number of turns) hadn’t run out. So strictly speaking, the game was a draw. However Sir Gilbert, never one to limited by artificial constraints claimed the win and I’m not going to argue with him.

 

 

 

 

 

Dorstone Barricades Stormed by Golden Valley Heroes – Sir Gilbert’s latest triumph

Once again, Sir Gilbert Hill (Bart) has been forced to abandon the tranquility of rural life and lead his Volunteers, simple folk and humble but embued with an enquenchable determination to secure their freedom against any that threaten it, against the wicked interventions of an alien demagogue.

In order to secure the peace and independence of his valley, the noble knight determined to re-establish lawful authority in Dorstone which has been occupied by a rabble of criminal elements.

 

Dorstone in the hands of criminals who do not shrink from using the most precious possessions of the inhabitants in a desperate bid to deny Sir Gilbert
Dorstone in the hands of criminals who do not shrink from using the most precious possessions of the inhabitants in a desperate bid to deny Sir Gilbert

 

 

 

 

 

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Hoorah for Freedom – Sir Gilbert’s Volunteers arrive to bring hope to the people of Dorstone. Here we see the Bulk Importers Section, supported by a mortar and, in the background, the anti-tank bombers

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At the opposite end of the village, Sir Gilbert’s ally approaches

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More examples of the pitiless misuse by the hoodlums of innocent villagers’ property to make barricades

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Colourful advertisments by the roadside remind all of more peaceful times

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Armed criminals rush to oppose the advance of Sir Gilbert’s Labourers and Artisans section

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A brave sight – the Golden Valley Volunteers advance. Far left, the Labourers and Artisans; in the centre, the Abbey Dore Police Volunteers, supported by the anti-tank section; to the right, the Bulk Importers and Freddie Pitt-Bulstrode and his mortar section

 

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A sight to stir the blood – the arrival of Sir Gilbert himself, alongside his latest recruits – the POUM Ladies Heavy Weapons section, recently returned from Spain

 

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The Police Volunteers advance bravely against the cowardly criminals, cowering behind their shameful barricade. In close support, the anti-tank team and Restitution Trevelyn, the mortar spotter

 

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The Artisans and Labourers swarm over hedges and sweep towards some quaking enemy

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On the Volunteers’ fight flank, the Bulk Importers advance

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The Bulk Importers stream forward whilst, in the background, the anti-tank team make their first, heroic attack on the enemy’s monstrous armoured car

 

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In the centre, the Police Volunteers, sorely depleted by the cowardly defenders, are reinforced by two of Sir Gilbert’s aides, Monsieur Samson Picardy and Mr Barry Glissade. Mr Glissade, in addition to his duties with the Volunteers, is also a newspaper reporter and has provided these notes. Moving up in support – the POUM Ladies

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An overview of Sir Gilbert’s dispositions. Whilst his Artisans have destroyed an enemy section to their front, a large force of so-called Royalists has appeared to their left. In the centre, it can be seen how the relentless pressure from the Police section has reduced the enemy defending the makeshift barricade.

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Sir Gilbert’s armoured section finally move into action on the extreme left. They had been delayed due to the time required to raise steam in their boilers. However, they soon make their presence felt against the so-called Royalists

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Withering fire from the POUM Ladies helps to sweep the enemy from the barricades

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The Bulk Importers, their ranks largely made up of raw recruits after losses in previous battles, advance courageously against immensely strong enemy positions

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Drama in the centre as the anti-tank team make continuous attacks on the enemy behemoth and finally effect its total destruction. Despite the tragic striking down of team member Nanny Pankhurst, her heroic colleague “Mad” Wullie McSpaniel pressed home the attack with total success

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As “Mad” Wullie completes the destruction of the enemy armour, the POUM Ladies continue to rake the barricade supported by the Police

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A close-up of the centre where the inevitable defeat of the enemy looks certain

 

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Charge…! The Police storm the barricade, supported by M. Picardy and Barry Glissade. The enemy are defeated and routed

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At the other end of the village, heavy weapons keep Sir Gilbert’s ally at bay

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Confusion in the centre of the village as the criminal hierarchy realise the game is up

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VICTORY – as the Golden Valley men leap the barricade and take the village….

FOOTNOTE: Nanny Pankhurst. As her inert body was carried from the field, it was observed there were slight signs that she yet lived. Dr Bill “Tiny” Savage was summoned. The burly, nineteen stone doctor took out his stethescope and knelt beside the stricken herroine. He reached to undo the top button on her sturdy gabardine macintosh amd that was the last thing he was aware of for the next 15 minutes until he woke up sitting propped against a tree with Nanny Pankhurst waving a bottle of smelling-salts under his nose. “Dr Savage,” she said, “No man has ever dallied with my buttons and no man ever will. Now let me attend to your black-eye.”

Much later, when Violet Ironsides, 2nd-in-command of the Ewyas Harold WI section congratulated Nanny on her amazing survival, she was told:

“Miss Ironsides, in battle, never underestimate the value of whalebone-reinforced corsetry.”

Battle of Bredwardine Bridge

News of shady manouvering amongst the various seedy factions that support the usurper – fascists, misguided aristocratic ladies and eccentric countryside pressure groups, for example – forced Sir Gilbert Hill to once again turn reluctantly from his benevolent and paternalistic care of his dependents and followers. Although contrary to his fervent desire for peace, he did not shirk his duty when the necessity for armed intervention became evident.

The strategically important bridge at Bredwardine was under threat from the enemy and Sir Gilbert, ably supported by those staunch allies the Bishop of Ludlow and the Reverend Captain Verity, made haste to deny free passage of the bridge to his sinister foes.

Initial deployments

The field was split by the river Wye and both sides had forces on either side.Sir Gilbert and the Anglicans deployed with the Bishop of Ludlow to the west and Captain Verity and Sir Gilbert to the east. Sir Gilbert’s role was to rush men in motor transport to the bridge whilst his armoured section held off Lady Maud’s platoon. Captain Verity was to move through the woods and buildings on Sir Gilbert’s flank and complete the securing of the bridge. The Bishop of Ludlow was to crash through the Malvern eccentrics and take the west end of the bridge, crushing any BUF between himself and the forces of Captain Verity and Sir Gilbert on the eastern side. This plan was made by Sir Gilbert in his customary authoritative style. His allies offered suggestion for minor changes that Sir Gilbert graciously accepted. The plan proceeded smoothly and with total success. Free passage of the bridge was denied to the usurper’s ghastly minions.

The usurper’s forces deployed the detestable BUF platoon, led by the infamous and equally detestable “Captain” Arrowsmith, west of the river accompanied by the reactionary, decrepit eccentrics from the Malvern Hills. To the east, they deployed the colourful force of Lady Maud, a brave but misguided aristocrat of the old school.

Sir Gilbert's First Section begins its successful race for the bridge, supported by the steam armoured car. Opposite, Lady Maud's force approaches tentatively.
Sir Gilbert’s First Section begins its successful race for the bridge, supported by the steam armoured car. Opposite, Lady Maud’s force approaches tentatively. In the background, the fascists slither forward.
Sir Gilbert's 1st Section
Sir Gilbert’s 1st Section

Lady Maud's armoured car crawls forward

The forces of the Bishop of Ludlow prepare to strike righteous fear into the hearts of the Malvern decrepits
The forces of the Bishop of Ludlow prepare to strike righteous fear into the hearts of the Malvern decrepits
The disorderly Malvern throwbacks, with some support from godless BUF infernal machinery
The disorderly Malvern throwbacks, with some support from godless BUF infernal machinery
BUF running-dog, fascist hyenas begin there short stay on the bridge
BUF running-dog, fascist hyenas begin their short stay on the bridge

 

 

BUF armour supported by eccentric units of the Malvern eccentrics
BUF armour supported by eccentric units of the Malvern eccentrics

 

 

Sir Gilbert's magnificent, modern, motorised force advances. The force is led by the 1st section, dashing for the bridge in their van. They are spported by the steam-powered armour and the WI section, advamcing on foot to cover the flank
Sir Gilbert’s magnificent, modern, motorised force advances. The force is led by the 1st section, dashing for the bridge in their van. They are supported by the steam-powered armour and the WI section, advamcing on foot to cover the flank
Lady Maud's armoured car deploys to oppose Sir Gilberts steam car.
Lady Maud’s armoured car deploys to oppose Sir Gilbert’s steam car
The Bishop of Ludlow's mighty machines prepare to smite the foe
The Bishop of Ludlow’s mighty machines prepare to smite the foe
Sir Gilbert's 1st Section deploys fpr action, su[[prted by the stam car. In the background, a fascist wasves flags
Sir Gilbert’s 1st Section deploys for action, supported by the steam car. In the background, a fascist waves flags
Sir Gilbert's attack proceeds according to plan
Sir Gilbert’s attack proceeds according to plan
Sir Gilbert's steam tank single-handedly holds off the massed might of Lady Maud's attack
Sir Gilbert’s steam tank single-handedly holds off the massed might of Lady Maud’s attack
Lady Maud's ladies advance towards Sir Gilbert's WI section
Lady Maud’s ladies advance towards Sir Gilbert’s WI section
A detached section of Lady Maud's advances towards Sir Gilbert's 3rd section - the Welsh gangsters Nationalists
A detached section of Lady Maud’s advances towards Sir Gilbert’s 3rd section – the Welsh gangsters Nationalists
Fascist hooligans creep across the bridge, supported by an armoured quadricycle
Fascist hooligans creep across the bridge, supported by an armoured quadricycle
Sir Gilbert and allies complete the denial of the bridge to the enemy
Sir Gilbert and allies complete the denial of the bridge to the enemy
Sir Gilbert, as ever. on the front line, is handed an important message by his butler
Sir Gilbert, as ever on the front line, is handed an important message by his butler
Sir Gilbert's 1st section in hand-to-hand combat with the fascists at the bridge. They may lack fine uniforms but the men of 1st section more than make up for this with their fighting spirit
Sir Gilbert’s 1st section in hand-to-hand combat with the fascists at the bridge. They may lack fine uniforms but the men of 1st section more than make up for this with their fighting spirit. In the foreground, Mad Wullie McSpaniel seeks to come to grips with the enemy armour
On Sir Gilbert's right, the ladies of the WI prepare to halt the advance of Lady Maud's platoon
On Sir Gilbert’s right, the ladies of the WI prepare to halt the advance of Lady Maud’s platoon
The defeated BUF hooligans retreat ater their drubbing at the hands of the 1st section. The beastly, squat form of the BUF tank sits immobile, trapped between Sir Gilbert and The Bishop of Ludlow, The bridge is denied to the usurper's lackeys and Sir Gilbert and allies triumph once again
The defeated BUF hooligans retreat ater their drubbing at the hands of the 1st section. The beastly, squat form of the BUF tank sits immobile, trapped between Sir Gilbert and The Bishop of Ludlow, The bridge is denied to the usurper’s lackeys and Sir Gilbert and allies triumph once again

Minor Skirmish at Longtown

Reports of aggressive intentions towards the Golden Valley Protectorate by some of Sir Gilbert’s neighbours were received by him more with sorrow than with anger. He was well aware that many of his fellow land-owners and minor aristocrats were inclined to behave like spoilt children (he’d been to school with most of them, after all). So he determined on a response which mixed firmness with understanding.

The high standard of training and readiness attained by The Volunteers was amply displayed by the speed and efficiency with which this modern, fully motorised force mobilised and moved out to confront the misguided delinquents, now in arms and foolishly challenging Sir Gilbert in the vicinity of Longtown. The Volunteers were  joined by two platoons of enthusiastic (if deluded) chaps calling themselves “socialists”. Ranged against them were the forces of Sir  Giles Clive, an amiable nonentity and Lady Bramton Bryn, a forceful lady, led astray by a combination of inadvisable reading and weak intellect.

 

The Volunteers arrive, fully motorised and eager to get to grips
The Volunteers arrive, fully motorised and eager to get to grips

 

 

A platoon of "socialists" advance up the main road in theirarmoured wagon, towed by an armoured steam engine
A platoon of “socialists” advance up the main road in their armoured wagon, towed by an armoured steam engine

 

 

On the right, more "socialists", known bizarrely as Tressell's Enlightened Philanthropists. move up on foot
On the right, more “socialists”, known bizarrely as Tressell’s Enlightened Philanthropists. move up on foot

 

 

 

Some of Lady Bramton's "gels" form up in defence
Some of Lady Bramton’s “gels” form up in defence

 

 

Lady Maud's section prepares to vadvance
Lady Maud’s section prepares to advance

 

 

 

A scarecrow? Or a sentinel of the sinister Twiggy Mommets? Sir Gilbert's platoon will need to be careful
A scarecrow? Or a sentinel of the sinister Twiggy Mommets? Sir Gilbert’s platoon will need to be careful

 

 

 

The worst news for a modern, fully motorised force...!
The worst news for a modern, fully motorised force…!

 

 

 

Nothing else for it but to debus and use shanks' pony
Nothing else for it but to debus and use shanks’ pony

 

 

 

Sir Gilbert's WI section prepare themselves for the advance on foot
Sir Gilbert’s WI section prepare themselves for the advance on foot

 

 

 

Meanwhile, in the centre, busloads of infantry move in support of the steam engine
Meanwhile, in the centre, busloads of infantry move in support of the steam engine

 

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Sir Gilbert's Steam Armoured Section leads The Voluntees advance. To gain maximum traction in the muddy conditions, the Tank deliberately proceeds in reverse, contrary to scurrilous rumours from the enemy
Sir Gilbert’s Steam Armoured Section leads The Volunteers’ advance. To gain maximum traction in the muddy conditions, the tank deliberately proceeds in reverse, contrary to scurrilous rumours from the enemy

 

 

 

Lady Maud's section advance to contest the large farmhouse with the "socialists"
Lady Maud’s section advance to contest the large farmhouse with the “socialists”

 

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Slight confusion as Sir Gilbert's sections debus and form up
Slight confusion as Sir Gilbert’s sections debus and form up

 

 

 

Tressell's Enlightened Philanthropists steadfastly advance, determined to uphold Sir Gilbert's rights
Tressell’s Enlightened Philanthropists steadfastly advance, determined to uphold Sir Gilbert’s rights

 

 

 

In the centre, the "socialists" gain the centre of the village and deploy the armoured truck to hold the position
In the centre, the “socialists” gain the centre of the village and deploy the armoured truck to hold the position

 

 

 

Lady Bramton's reserve section and artillery support
Lady Bramton’s reserve section and artillery support

 

 

 

Sir Gilbert, surrounded by his staff and accompanied by Marlborough, the dog,, emerge from the trees, ready to impose his iron will on the proceedings
Sir Gilbert, surrounded by his staff and accompanied by Marlborough, the dog, emerge from the trees, ready to impose his iron will on the proceedings

 

 

 

The "socialists" head for the large farm
The “socialists” head for the large farm……..

 

 

 

....to be met by Lady Maud's section. Close combat...!
….to be met by Lady Maud’s section. Close combat…!

 

 

 

With debussing complete and perfect order restored, Sir Gilbert's formidable, modern platoon moves off
With debussing complete and perfect order restored, Sir Gilbert’s formidable, modern platoon moves off

 

 

The action in the centre is fierce as more "socialists" enter the fight for the farm and members of Tressell's Enlightened Philanthropists advance on their right
The action in the centre is fierce as more “socialists” enter the fight for the farm and members of Tressell’s Enlightened Philanthropists advance on their right

 

 

 

Tressell's Enlightened Philanthropists break through the massive hedge in front of the church
Tressell’s Enlightened Philanthropists break through the massive hedge in front of the church

 

 

Lady Bramton's HQ section deploy.
Lady Bramton’s HQ section deploy

 

 

Sir Gilbert's platoon advances in perfect open-order. he steam tank has now turned to face forward
Sir Gilbert’s platoon advances in perfect open-order. The steam tank has now turned to face forward

 

 

Members of Sir Giles Clive's platoon advance against Tressell's Enlightened Philanthropists
Members of Sir Giles Clive’s platoon advance against Tressell’s Enlightened Philanthropists

 

 

Sir Gilbert's new anti-tank team, Mad Wullie McSpaniel and Nanny Pankhurst, storm forward in search of prey
Sir Gilbert’s new anti-tank team, Mad Wullie McSpaniel and Nanny Pankhurst, storm forward in search of prey

 

 

Victory at the farm enables the "socialists to consolidate their position in the centre
Victory at the farm enables the “socialists” to consolidate their position in the centre

 

 

The "socialists"  miners section lead the advance through the centre of the village
The “socialists” miners section lead the advance through the centre of the village

 

 

In the face of Sir Gilbert's inexorable advance on the left, Lady Bramton orders the withdrawal of her baggage
In the face of Sir Gilbert’s inexorable advance on the left, Lady Bramton orders the withdrawal of her baggage, covered by the reserve section and artillery

 

 

Sir Gilbert's steam tank causes casualties in Lady Bramton's HQ as his platoon exerts irresistible pressure on Lady Bramton's platoon
Sir Gilbert’s steam tank causes casualties in Lady Bramton’s HQ as his command exerts irresistible pressure on her  platoon

 

 

Ferocious fighting in the churchyard between Tressell's Enlightened Philanthropists and Sir Giles' men, skulking behind the gravestones
Ferocious fighting in the churchyard between Tressell’s Enlightened Philanthropists and Sir Giles’ men, skulking behind the gravestones

 

 

The "socialist" miners press on in the centre
The “socialist” miners press on in the centre
Looking across the battlefield with Sir Gilbert's platoon in the foreground, the "socialists" (still with their distinctive omnibuses) in the centre and on the far right, Tressell's Enlightened Philanthropists
Looking across the battlefield with Sir Gilbert’s platoon in the foreground, the “socialists” (still with their distinctive omnibuses) in the centre and in the distance, on the far right flank, Tressell’s Enlightened Philanthropists

 

 

A chaotic scene in the centre with the "socialists" following up the retreat of Lady Bramton and coming under fire from Sir Giles' armoured car. Mad Wullie McSpaniel can be seen rushing to where the fight is fiercest
A chaotic scene in the centre with the “socialists” following up the retreat of Lady Bramton and coming under fire from Sir Giles’ armoured car. Mad Wullie McSpaniel can be seen rushing to where the fight is fiercest

 

 

Sir Gilbert's platoon advances in perfect order, sweeping all before it
Sir Gilbert’s platoon advances in perfect order, sweeping all before it

 

 

The "socialists" have the upper hand in the centre. On the right, Tressell's Enlightened Philanthropists battle for the church with Sir Giles' men and on the left, Sir Gilbert has total control
The “socialists” have the upper hand in the centre. On the right, Tressell’s Enlightened Philanthropists battle for the church with Sir Giles’ men and on the left, Sir Gilbert has total control

 

 

Tressell's Enlightened Philanthropists continue to press Sir Giles, despite encountering fire from a heavy machine gun
Tressell’s Enlightened Philanthropists continue to press Sir Giles, despite encountering fire from a heavy machine gun

 

 

Lady Bramton's artillery, covering her platoon's retreat, engages Sir Gilbert's police section
Lady Bramton’s artillery, covering her platoon’s retreat, engages Sir Gilbert’s police section………..

 

 

....and inflicts the only casualties suffered by The Volunteers during the engagement. Despite this, Sir Gilbert's platoon comes forward in fine style
….and inflicts the only casualties suffered by The Volunteers during the engagement. Despite this, Sir Gilbert’s platoon comes forward in fine style

 

 

As night falls, Sir Giles' armoured car manages to stem the flood of the "socialist's" advance in the centre
As night falls, Sir Giles’ armoured car manages to stem the flood of the “socialist’s” advance in the centre

 

And so ended the skirmish at Longtown in which Sir Gilbert achieved all his aims. His misguided neighbours were shown the error of their ways but not destroyed or humiliated – they may be wrong but they are still “our class”.

 

The “socialists”, whilst also being misguided were able to experience the benefits of fighting under the leadership of an experienced and skilled campaigner in Sir Gilbert. There is hope that they may renounce their wrong-headed politics and return to their station as honest sons of toil.