RSS Feed

Send in the Clowns

Posted on

The Clowns are not happy. After losing their precious Thing to Sir Rufus’ men (see Clowning Around in Nether Winslet), they decide on an immediate revenge attack. So the day after the disaster happened, having sobered up, they head back to Nether Winslet, accompanied by their faithful chimpanzees. This time, as well as being sober, they also have weapons. Even better, their wives are not about to be left out. Grabbing their shotguns, the ladies join the party.

IMG_6043 copy

THE LEAGUES

Clowns: Bim Bom Carequina (Leader); Achillie Fratinelli (Sidekick); Mrs Carequina (Ally); Mrs Fratinelli (Ally); Chimp 1 (Follower); Chimp 2 (Follower); Chimp 3 (Follower)

DSC01609

From the left: Bim Bom Carequina; Mrs Carequina; Achillie Fratinelli; Mrs Fratinelli; Chimp 3; Chimp 1; Chimp 2

 

Sir Rufus’s Men: Nick Harper (Leader); Barney Welch (Sidekick); Dan Butcher (Ally); Phil Mimms (Ally); Tony Butcombe (Follower); Alf Dearheart (Follower)

DSC01610

From the left: Nick Harper; Barney Welch; Dan Butcher; Phil Mimms; Tony Butcombe; Alf Dearheart

 

 

DSC01512

The Clowns advance menacingly up the road, chimps in the lead. Young Alf Dearheart posted as lookout races down the road in front of them in the League van, reaching speeds in excess of 30mph! The rest of Sir Rufus’s men are, regrettably suffering from dreadful hangovers and are unable to move although Dan Butcher (in checked cap) is alert enough to take a shot which, predictably, is wide of the mark.

 

DSC01513

The chimps are the advance guard of the Clown league but immediately, Chimp 2 falls over a rabbit hole, injures a leg and is unable to move (failed challenge)

 

DSC01514

The rest of the Clown group proceed to the crossroads with Chimps 1 and 3 in the lead, tasked with stealing the van’s keys

 

DSC01515

Inside the pub, Alf Dearheart in the brown hat, brings Nick Harper up to date on what is happening. Behind the bar, the publican (plot point) casually smokes a cigar. Does he know something?

 

DSC01516

Barney Welch, woken from an uncomfortable night in the outside privy, is alerted to danger by Dan Butcher’s shot.

 

DSC01517

Turn 2 Mrs Fratinelli, sporting a fetching blue hat, attempts to climb over a fence so as to outflank Dan, trips over her skirt and falls over (failed peril). Chimp 1 halts looking bemused (failed challenge – initiative passes). Dan Butcher leans into van, gets the keys and retreats towards pub door, covered by shots from Tony and Alf who has emerged from the pub. No hits!

 

DSC01518

Barney Welch emerges from the latrine and heads round the back of the pub to attack the Clowns as they approach the phone box. Meanwhile, Nick has questioned the publican and discovered the whereabouts of The Thing (successful plot point). Tony Butcombe is attacked by Chimp 3 – he’s down and out!

 

DSC01519

Bim Bom attempts to open phone box door (plot point) and is thrown to the floor by an electric shock. Achillie makes the same attempt and is also knocked to the floor by a shock. Mrs Carequina protects the downed menfolk with a shotgun blast straight down the main road. Alf Dearheart is caught in the deadly cone of fire – down and out. Dan Butcher manages to dodge out of danger

 

DSC01520

Mrs Fratinelli recovers and leaps the fence into the adjacent field whilst Barney also crosses into the road. They advance towards each other.

 

DSC01521

Bim Bom and Achillie both recover. Achillie moves to block the road to the east while Bim Bom attempts to enter the phone box again, this time succesfully but he can’t quite understand the writing in the notebook he finds (partial success of plot point challenge).

 

DSC01522

Anxious to escape the threat of Mrs Carequina’s shotgun, Dan dodges into the pub whilst Nick heads out to collect The Thing

 

DSC01523

Achillie moves to the cross roads just in time to spot Barney moving towards the phone box. Achillie fires and hits! Mrs Fratinelli moves to the hedge and also takes a shot. Hit. Barney is down!

 

DSC01524

Chimps 1 and 3 rush to stop Nick Harper who emerges from pub. Chimp 3 is unluckily struck by a slate falling off the pub roof (failed challenge) and is down and out but Chimp 1 gets to Nick and attacks him. Nick gives him a solid punch which the chimp shrugs off with disdain

 

DSC01525

Mrs Carequina cooly blocks the eastern road, shotgun at the ready

 

DSC01526

Bim Bom succeeds in reading the note in the phone box (plot point success).

 

DSC01527

Having learned the whereabouts of The Thing, Bim Bom races to secure it while Achillie and Mrs Carequina block the road to prevent any enemy interference

 

DSC01528

Having made sure that Barney Welch is out of action, Mrs Fratinelli enters the backyard of the pub to prevent any of Nick’s men from sneaking out of the back door

 

DSC01529

Hearing a noise in the backyard, Dan Butcher decides to check the back door

 

DSC01531

Mrs Fratinelli cautiously approaches the back door

 

DSC01532

Meanwhile, Nick and the chimp slug it out. The chimp misses and Nick lands another shrewd blow but once again, the chimp shows no sign of even being aware he’s been hit

 

DSC01533

Mrs Carequina and Achillie make sure that Bim Bom’s back is covered whilst……….

 

DSC01534

…………he finds The Thing and, with shouts of glee, makes off with it

 

DSC01535

Unaware that his side has lost The Thing, Nick continues to battle the chimp but the hairy primate will not yield. Thanks to his courage, the clowns’ quest to regain The Thing has been successful

 

A great victory for the Clowns. Securing The Thing was all that counted in this game and they achieved that with only the loss of two chimps (who both recovered and are once again hosting tea parties).

Nick Harper, when he realised the extent of his defeat (all his men except Dan Butcher being casualties) had the unenviable job of reporting back to Sir Rufus. Unsurprisingly, the mountainous rage exhibited by Sir Rufus, never a sympathetic man at the best of times, was of a degree unsurpassed in the experience of all who witnessed it. Subsequently, during the many months he spent emptying and cleaning the various middens on his employer’s estate, Nick Harper had ample time to relive that moment when he had informed Sir Rufus of the disaster at Nether Winslet.

 

 

Advertisements

Clowning Around in Nether Winslet

Sir Rufus Pitt-Bulstrode, cousin of the famous Sir Gilbert Hill, has been musing on the advisability of raising a company amongst his estate workers and descending with fire and sword upon the more recalcitrant inhabitants of Borsetshire. By which he means communists, socialists, fascists and any other damn “-ists” who presume to disturb the county’s peace and tranquillity during the current constitutional crisis.

However, he is distracted from the serious business of Civil War by still having to deal with the nuisance of Dr Weevil. That madman, with his coterie of cultist followers, is persisting in trying to get his hands on The Thing and thus realise his dream of world domination, or at least of a place on the Borsetshire County Council. Thus when Sir Rufus had a telephone call telling him of “goings-on” in the hamlet of Nether Winslet, he despatched a party of armed estate workers to deal with the matter.

NETHER WINSLETDSC01420

 

BUT ALL IS NOT AS IT SHOULD BE IN THE HAMLETDSC01492

Arriving in the vicinity of the hamlet, Nick Harper, the party leader quickly assessed the situation. Two clowns from a circus which had set up in the next village had slipped out to visit the pub in Nether Winslett, taking with them their pet chimpanzees. They also had with them The Thing. However, they were unaware of the significance of The Thing. They thought it was merely an attractive musical box, which was why they had stolen it in the first place (but that’s another story). Having become extremely drunk on the potent Borsetshire cider, they attempted to telephone the circus owner to fetch them back in his car. In their inebriated state, they had forgotten that travelling circuses do not have telephones. Eventually giving up on the telephone call, they staggered out intending to get back to the pub, leaving The Thing in the telephone box.

DSC01491

 

Nick managed to piece together a garbled version of this story from accounts given by scandalised locals. He also learnt that a mysterious stranger, dressed in weird robes and with a group of similarly peculiar followers, was approaching from the other side of the hamlet. This could only be the nefarious Dr Weevil…! The game was afoot and time was of the essence…!

table

Unfortunately, the photographer from the Borsetshire Gazette arrived too late to record the proceedings, despite having been given ample warning by Sir Rufus. He and Nick Harper were anxious not to disappoint Sir Rufus (always a dangerous thing to do) and so the action was reconstructed for the cameras although, unfortunately, without the participation of Dr Weevil who had long since departed. He and his men were represented in the reconstruction by empty spaces in the landscape.

 

NICK HARPER ESCHEWS UNMANLY CAUTIONDSC01495

Eschewing unmanly caution, Nick boldly charged directly towards the telephone box whilst his followers set out to apprehend the clowns and their chimpanzees in the hope of gaining useful information. Despite harassing fire from Weevil’s cronies, Nick secured The Thing and removed it to safety whilst his men held off the cultists.

NICK’S MEN SPREAD OUT ROUND THE VILLAGEDSC01493

DSC01494

Fire fights broke out to the North and South of the hamlet in which the Dr’s followers came off worse. They did manage to interrogate one of the clowns and to capture a chimp with intention of holding it to ransom in exchange for information.

 

AN INEBRIATED CLOWN APPROACHES Dr WEEVIL SAYING “YOU’RE MY BEST MATE”IMG_5909

Nick’s men secured the other chimp at which point both sides broke off the action and retired from the field. Weevil had been denied The Thing although the information he obtained may encourage him to continue with his evil schemes.

 

NICK, WITH “THE THING” SAFELY IN HIS GRASP, LEADS HIS MEN TO THE PUB FOR A WELL-EARNED PINTDSC01423a

 

GAME INFO:

Plot Points – Major Point in the telephone box. Minor Points the two clowns and the chimps

Weevil secured 2 minor points

Nick Harper secured the major point and 1 minor

Result – Victory for Nick

Small Disturbance at Little Bedding

Sir Gilbert Hill, taking time out from his vital efforts in the Civil War, was visiting his cousin, Sir Rufus Pitt-Bulstrode, Squire of Much Rampling in Borsetshire. However, before he had time for a well-deserved snifter, he was made aware that all was not well in the Much Rampling area.

Apparently Sir Rufus, as chairman of the local Watch Committee, had got wind of a planned attempt by some political roughnecks to disrupt the annual fete in the neighbouring village of Little Bedding. Sir Rufus had to make an effort to prevent this happening; the local bobby at Little Bedding, Constable Gravy, had no chance of taking on the hooligans on his own. However, Sir Rufus could not call on any of his employees or tenants because they were all, so he said, vitally employed elsewhere.

Realising what was coming, Sir Gilbert, displaying his characteristic brio, offered to come to the rescue. “Don’t worry, old boy, I’ll send some of my people – they’ll put these scoundrels to the rightabout”. He gave instructions to his man, Stirrup to gather together a suitable group from amongst his followers and sent him off to do battle against whomsoever should disturb the Little Bedding peace.

ALL IS CALM AS THE LITTLE BEDDING FETE GETS UNDER WAY

ALL IS CALM AS THE LITTLE BEDDING FETE GETS UNDER WAY

 

Stirrup assembled the following from Sir Gilbert’s entourage and set out for the village.

Stirrup (Leader)
Fragrance Sweetmeat, Sir Gilbert’s secretary
Roger Gently (Tenant farmer)
Constable Smallbottom
Marlborough, Sir Gilbert’s Dog

 

As the morris men warm up in the park.....

As the morris men warm up in the park…..

 

.....and customers enjoy a drink outside the pub.....

…..and customers enjoy a drink outside the pub…..

 

...trouble is brewing

At the other end of the village, trouble was brewing.

Roughneck Agitators
Cecil Pimms (Leader) aided by:
Bert, Sam, Bill
PLUS 8 local ne’er-do-wells

 

 Constable Gravy, intent on watching the morris men, is still unaware of danger


Constable Gravy, intent on watching the morris men, is still unaware of danger

 

 

 

 Miss Marble, the village school teacher, tells an itinerant she doesn't want to buy a watch

Miss Marble, the village school teacher, tells an itinerant she doesn’t want to buy a watch

 

 

 Stirrup sends his League into the village from the south - Constable Broadbottom on the left; Roger Gently with Marlborough in the centre and Miss Sweetmeat on the right. The morris men head for the pub

Stirrup sends his League into the village from the south – Constable Broadbottom on the left; Roger Gently with Marlborough in the centre and Miss Sweetmeat on the right. The morris men head for the pub

 

From the north, more riff-raff stream into the village

From the north, more riff-raff stream into the village

 

 

The doctor and his wife hurry to get indoors as gang members line their hedge

The doctor and his wife hurry to get indoors as gang members line their hedge

 

 

Miss Sweetmeat, as always, takes up a favourable position

Miss Sweetmeat, as always, takes up a favourable position…..

 

 

....as does Consatable Broadbottom

….as does Constable Broadbottom

 

 

 Meanwhile, 2 female hooligans, brush past staff and customers at the pub in search of a victim


Meanwhile, 2 female hooligans, brush past staff and customers at the pub in search of a victim

 

 

However, the victim - a well known con-man - is ready and deals with his assailants

However, the victim – a well known con-man – is ready and deals with both of his assailants

 

 

 Pimms' Followers now swarm into the park - scattering by-standers (including a reporter and photographer. One miscreant falls while climbing over the wall and breaks a leg - he's out of it...! Constable Gravy remains calm


Pimms’ followers now swarm into the park – scattering by-standers (including a reporter and photographer). One miscreant falls while climbing over the wall and breaks a leg – he’s out of it…!
Constable Gravy remains calm

 

 

 Others (including the sinister figure of Pimms himself) move up the road and through the doctor's garden. The doctor and his wife flee in terror


Others (including the sinister figure of Pimms himself) move up the road and through the doctor’s garden. The doctor and his wife flee in terror

 

 

 Accurate fire from Constable Broadbottom and Roger Gently take out 2 of Pimms' hooligans. Another suffers the consequences of falling off a wall


Accurate fire from Constable Broadbottom and Roger Gently take out 2 of Pimms’ hooligans. Another suffers the consequences of falling off a wall

 

 

Stirrup himself now advances along the main road towards the enemy

Stirrup himself now advances along the main road towards the enemy

 

 

Meanwhile, Marlborough the dog, attacks the enemy as they move through the park

Meanwhile, Marlborough the dog, attacks the enemy as they move through the park

 

 

Personal Message (Online) Re: Small Disturbance at Little Bedding - PA AAR Part 3 now posted « Reply #9 on: September 01, 2015, 03:40:03 PM » Reply with quoteQuote Modify messageModify Quote Brilliant, Doug. Pure eye candy with a generous dollop of chuckling for good measure. Thanks, Paul. I'm such a fan of your games, this is praise indeed... Cheesy Quote from: d phipps on August 30, 2015, 11:51:05 PM Great stuff! Keep 'em coming. Cheesy If you are not familiar with our Phantom Agent promo, check it out at --- http://store.pulpalley.com/ You can pick up some unique promo Pulp Alley cards, but please be sure to read and follow the instructions. Wink HAVE FUN Thanks so much - been there and placed my request - whooppee...! Quote from: Wolf Girl on September 01, 2015, 04:01:38 AM I love your terrain Love You have some great stuff Thanks Wolfgirl - I appreciate than coming from you - your games looks so gorgeous... Cheesy Right then, let's see if we can wrap this AAR up.... Turn 2 and the formidable figure of Stirrup appears on the scene Marlborough, the dog, rushes to the attack A setback for Stirrup's League - Constable Broadbottom takes hit

A setback for Stirrup’s League – Constable Broadbottom takes a hit

 

 

Personal Message (Online) Re: Small Disturbance at Little Bedding - PA AAR Part 3 now posted « Reply #9 on: September 01, 2015, 03:40:03 PM » Reply with quoteQuote Modify messageModify Quote Brilliant, Doug. Pure eye candy with a generous dollop of chuckling for good measure. Thanks, Paul. I'm such a fan of your games, this is praise indeed... Cheesy Quote from: d phipps on August 30, 2015, 11:51:05 PM Great stuff! Keep 'em coming. Cheesy If you are not familiar with our Phantom Agent promo, check it out at --- http://store.pulpalley.com/ You can pick up some unique promo Pulp Alley cards, but please be sure to read and follow the instructions. Wink HAVE FUN Thanks so much - been there and placed my request - whooppee...! Quote from: Wolf Girl on September 01, 2015, 04:01:38 AM I love your terrain Love You have some great stuff Thanks Wolfgirl - I appreciate than coming from you - your games looks so gorgeous... Cheesy Right then, let's see if we can wrap this AAR up.... Turn 2 and the formidable figure of Stirrup appears on the scene Marlborough, the dog, rushes to the attack A setback for Stirrup's League - Constable Broadbottom takes hit and is down and out and his Plot Point is up for grabs Matters get worse. Roger Gently races to Constable Broadbottom to rescue the situation and is in turn despatched himself. Finally disaster. Miss Sweetmeat attempts to leap the wall to help her comrades and gets tangled up in her long dress and crashes to the ground.

Matters get worse. Roger Gently races to Constable Broadbottom to rescue the situation and is in turn despatched himself. Finally disaster. Miss Sweetmeat attempts to leap the wall to help her comrades and gets tangled up in her long dress and crashes to the ground.

 

 

Constable Broadbottom and Miss Scarlet had been gathering evidence of Pimm's criminal intentions. In an attempt to secure these, Pimm advances towards the helpless pair. However, in the nick of time, he is confronted by the redoubtable Stirrup.

Constable Broadbottom and Miss Scarlet had been gathering evidence of Pimms’ criminal intentions. In an attempt to secure these, Pimms advances towards the helpless pair. However, in the nick of time, he is confronted by the redoubtable Stirrup.

 

 

At the same time, in the park, the heroic dog Marlborough despatches his opponent, only to fall bleeding to the ground himself seconds later....ahhh

At the same time, in the park, the heroic dog Marlborough despatches his opponent, only to fall bleeding to the ground himself seconds later….ahhh

 

 

Stirrup deals with Pimm despite the latter's great size and strength and then despatched the one remaining enamy with a burst from his smg. The day goes to Sir Gilbert's men at the cost of several cuts and bruises and a nasty rip to Miss Sweetmeat's dress. Marlborough the dog was patched up by the local vet and was soon back on his feet. Most of Pimm's hooligans fled although the local police, led by Constable Gravy, were able to arrest several of the more seriously injured.

Stirrup deals with Pimms despite the latter’s great size and strength and then despatches the one remaining enemy with a burst from his smg.
The day goes to Sir Gilbert’s men at the cost of several cuts and bruises and a nasty rip to Miss Sweetmeat’s dress. Marlborough the dog was patched up by the local vet and was soon back on his feet. Most of Pimm’s hooligans fled although the local police, led by Constable Gravy, were able to arrest several of the more seriously injured.

 

 

This game was played with the Pulp Alley rules to see how they would work in a VBCW-era setting.

Answer? Pretty good. I’ve left out references to Pulp Alley rule devices such as “Plot Points”. As it happens, Stirrup, as the Last Man Standing would have harvested all the plot points if time (ie number of turns) hadn’t run out. So strictly speaking, the game was a draw. However Sir Gilbert, never one to limited by artificial constraints claimed the win and I’m not going to argue with him.

 

 

 

 

 

Ronnie realises his potential (part 2 of his rise to glory)

Ronnie quickly made himself at home in the Chief Constable’s house. He knew how to appeal to the low tastes of Tremble and thus get the manservant’s approval, always a valuable skill when dealing with servants. On the first two nights Sir Albert reminisced a little about Lady Geraldine but his mind was obviously elsewhere. On the third night, the reason for his distractedness became apparent. He had a big decision to make about appointing a leader for a new command being formed in the Wiltshire force. After dinner he and Ronnie settled down in the drawing room. Tremble, obviously elevated by drink, was dismissed for the evening. Cigars were lit, whisky poured and Sir Albert came straight to the point.

“Ronald. I’m establishing a new unit here in Wiltshire. It’s a modern, mobile column, organised on military lines and of platoon strength. There will be heavy weapons support included and the whole command will be motorised. Most of the personnel is already allocated but the commander, yet to be appointed, will need to be active in securing some of the supporting weapons and transport…..”

“But this sounds like an Auxiliary Police unit,” interrupted Ronnie “I thought you couldn’t abide them…!”

“You’re right, Ronald; I can’t. Establishing this unit could be described as, let me see….getting your retaliation in first, perhaps? I propose to set up this force for two reasons. First, to have an efficient, modern, mobile force available to confront disorder whenever and wherever it  appears in the the South and South West. And second, to forestall any attempt to establish an Auxiliary police unit, in other words a para-military BUF unit, within my area.”

“Sounds exciting” said Ronnie

“I’m glad you think so because I’m about to offer you command of it.”

Ronnie was rarely lost for words but this development took him totally by surprise. “Me ? Me! But why? I’ve never been in the police. I’m also quite young. I’m flattered and delighted but also shocked and amazed.” He subsided into incoherent muttering and spluttering. He’d hoped Sir Albert may have something for him but this…!

“Ronald, men with the experience of genuine active service abound, thanks to the Great War. But they are no longer young enough for the rigours of command at the sharp-end. You are of the right age. And you combine unique qualifications that fit you for this role.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. You’ve seen active service, been under fire, seen victory and defeat. You’ve shewn (Sir Albert was of an age whereby he not only spelled ‘shown’ with an ‘e’ but also promounced it thus) courage and resourcefulness in the face of adversity. And, importantly, you are the son of Lady Geraldine.” Sir Albert paused, his face was expressive of deep emotion, or perhaps, chronic dyspepsia. “The job’s yours, my boy, if you want it. I’ll give you a day or two to think it over.”

At such times, it was a lottery as to which part of Ronnie’s heritage came to the fore.

“No need, old cock…sorry, Sir Albert. I’m your man; when do I start.?”

At that precise moment, somewhere in the disreputable part of an industrial town, in the snug of a sordid pub, Stanley Bigsworth’s left knee began to twitch. The old crook smiled to himself. “Go to it, Ronnie,” he thought. “That’s my boy.”

Sir Albert, initially taken aback by the immediacy of Ronnie’s reply, chided himself on his old-fashioned attitude. Young  Ronald was of the new generation- the Bright Young Things, the Jazz Age. Of course he’d make his mind up quickly – strike while the iron is hot; seize the day; grasp the nettle.

“Excellent. Ronald, you make me very happy. Right then; there’s work to be done. To begin with, this is what you need……

Ronald Bigsworth-Hill and the Wiltshire Police Flying Column

Ronald “Ronnie” Bigsworth-Hill son of an aristocratic mother and a travelling salesman father, has had a varied career since becoming involved with the current hostilities. As a Storm-Leader 2nd Class in the BUF, he did well in the successful Battle of Camrose but then was unfortunate enough to be at Robbleston Hall, the less successful minor action that followed. As one of the rearguard, Ronnie performed with distinction, continuing to engage the enemy with his sub-machine gun until he ran out of ammunition.

After which, he disappeared. Not wishing to spend an unspecified time as a prisoner of some dubious Welsh faction (and knowing that BUF prisoners rarely received gentle treatment), he made a speedy exit from the scene of battle, stole some clothes from various washing-lines and made ruthless use of his undoubted charm – particularly with the ladies – to get as far away as possible.

 Ronald “Ronnie” Bigsworth-Hill

Ronald “Ronnie” Bigsworth-Hill

Some weeks later, he arrived back in England via the Forest of Dean. It was his intention to make his way to Herefordshire and join his uncle, Sir Gilbert Hill. Sir Gilbert had raised a force to protect his interests in the Golden Valley and Ronnie felt confident his experience would persuade his uncle to welcome him into that force. The fact that Sir Gilbert was fighting on the opposite side to the BUF did not deter Ronnie in the slightest. He was no fascist, he was first and foremost, an adventurer, although in truth, he did love a sharp uniform. In fact, it was the uniform which led him to join the BUF. Once in the ranks, he threw himself into his soldiering and soon became an officer. In this, his part-aristocratic background helped as well;  the aggressively egalitarian and plebian BUF hierarchy were no less susceptible to a toff than anyone else.

Once back in England, Ronnie was able to relax and take stock of his situation. Meandering vaguely in the direction of Herefordshire, he found himself one night in a pub in Ross-on-Wye, sharing a few pints with a couple of off-duty coppers. If he’d chosen to, he could have reached his uncle Gilbert’s estate in the south of Herefordshire but something had prevented him making his way directly there although he didn’t know what it was. So, he was skirting round the borders of the county aimlessly and that was what brought him to Ross.

 

spiv

Stanley Bigsworth – Ronnie’s dad

 

The policemen were chatting about life in general and the situation in Herefordshire which they felt was unsatisfactory. They began talking about the possibility of moving to Wiltshire – they’d heard there was a new Chief Constable there who held views closer to theirs. Ronnie was only half listening to them until he heard them mention the new Chief’s name.

“Sorry to interrupt chaps”, he said “What were you saying about the new chief in Wiltshire?”

“Er, he’s got the right idea about what the police should be doing and he’s really got the right idea about these Auxiliary Police units – nothing more than a load of BUF hooligans.”

Ronnie wasn’t flustered by this unflattering reference to his old comrades; his BUF career was in the past and he had no problem in wiping it from his memory when it suited him and he certainly never referred to it when talking to chance companions in a pub.

“Yes, of course,quite so but what did you say his name was again?” he said casually.

“Sir Albert Brock, friend of The Kings and down from London”

Ronnie couldn’t believe his ears but kept his astonishment from showing. ‘Friend of The King’s’ maybe but also a very good friend indeed of Lady Geraldine Bigsworth-Hill, Ronnie’s mother. Old Bertie “Badger” Brock – who’d have thought it?

lady-geraldine-bigsworth-hill

Lady Geraldine Bigsworth-Hill

Never one to waste an opportunity or time, Ronnie decided his future lay in Wiltshire and, by the end of the evening, so had his companions. So next day, Ronnie, Ted Mundy (ex-Herefordshire police sergeant – ex as of that morning) and Stan Crowther (also recently ex-Herefordshire police – a constable, in his case) piled into Ted’s old Bedford van and headed off to Wiltshire.

They arrived at police Headquarters late in the afternoon and Ted and Stan immediately applied to join the force and, having documentary proof of their previous experience, were welcomed with open arms – trained policemen were a valuable commodity in these troubled times. They were a little taken aback to learn that Ronnie also had business at HQ but he was reticent about sharing the nature of it with them and they were soon too busy going through the formalities of their enrolment to concern themselves with him any more.

Ronnie, not without difficulty, persuaded the desk sergeant to send his card up to the Chief Constable – he was not persuaded that Ronnie really was a close family friend of Sir Albert but he thought it best not to take a chance. When, as seemed likely, the message came back that Ronnie was unknown to the Chief, the sergeant would know what to do. He relished the prospect.

Thirty years in the force enabled the sergeant to fix his expression as a blank mask when the message he received from on high was: “Sir Albert says send the young gentleman up immediately”.

 

sir-albert-badger-brock

Brigadier (Retd.) Sir Albert “Badger” Brock KCB

 

Ronnie was received very cordially by Sir Albert who was most anxious to have news of Lady Geraldine. Then over a couple of brandies, Ronnie told the tale of his recent exploits. Sir Albert harumphed mightily when he heard of Ronnie’s involvement in the BUF, an organisation the Chief Constable loathed with a passion. However, he intuitively realised that Ronnie was no fascist at heart and he was most interested in the active service the young man had experienced. He drew the meeting to a close with “Must get on; lot’s to do but let me have a think – I may have something for you, young feller. In the meantime, you must stay with me. I’ve got this great big house – goes with the job – with only me and the servants in it. Desk sergeant’ll tell you where it is. My man, Tremble, will look after you. You remember him? Been with me for years. Splendid fellow until 8 pm and then, of course, the effects of the wine – My Wine – take hold. Ah well, could be worse. Off you go then; I’ll see you later.”

Ronnie left police HQ with a strong impression that his fortunes were about to take a turn for the better……..

Dorstone Barricades Stormed by Golden Valley Heroes – Sir Gilbert’s latest triumph

Posted on

Once again, Sir Gilbert Hill (Bart) has been forced to abandon the tranquility of rural life and lead his Volunteers, simple folk and humble but embued with an enquenchable determination to secure their freedom against any that threaten it, against the wicked interventions of an alien demagogue.

In order to secure the peace and independence of his valley, the noble knight determined to re-establish lawful authority in Dorstone which has been occupied by a rabble of criminal elements.

 

Dorstone in the hands of criminals who do not shrink from using the most precious possessions of the inhabitants in a desperate bid to deny Sir Gilbert

Dorstone in the hands of criminals who do not shrink from using the most precious possessions of the inhabitants in a desperate bid to deny Sir Gilbert

 

 

 

 

 

DSC00318

Hoorah for Freedom – Sir Gilbert’s Volunteers arrive to bring hope to the people of Dorstone. Here we see the Bulk Importers Section, supported by a mortar and, in the background, the anti-tank bombers

DSC00319

At the opposite end of the village, Sir Gilbert’s ally approaches

DSC00320

More examples of the pitiless misuse by the hoodlums of innocent villagers’ property to make barricades

DSC00321

Colourful advertisments by the roadside remind all of more peaceful times

DSC00325

Armed criminals rush to oppose the advance of Sir Gilbert’s Labourers and Artisans section

DSC00326

A brave sight – the Golden Valley Volunteers advance. Far left, the Labourers and Artisans; in the centre, the Abbey Dore Police Volunteers, supported by the anti-tank section; to the right, the Bulk Importers and Freddie Pitt-Bulstrode and his mortar section

 

DSC00327

A sight to stir the blood – the arrival of Sir Gilbert himself, alongside his latest recruits – the POUM Ladies Heavy Weapons section, recently returned from Spain

 

DSC00328

The Police Volunteers advance bravely against the cowardly criminals, cowering behind their shameful barricade. In close support, the anti-tank team and Restitution Trevelyn, the mortar spotter

 

DSC00329

The Artisans and Labourers swarm over hedges and sweep towards some quaking enemy

DSC00330

On the Volunteers’ fight flank, the Bulk Importers advance

DSC00334

The Bulk Importers stream forward whilst, in the background, the anti-tank team make their first, heroic attack on the enemy’s monstrous armoured car

 

DSC00335

In the centre, the Police Volunteers, sorely depleted by the cowardly defenders, are reinforced by two of Sir Gilbert’s aides, Monsieur Samson Picardy and Mr Barry Glissade. Mr Glissade, in addition to his duties with the Volunteers, is also a newspaper reporter and has provided these notes. Moving up in support – the POUM Ladies

DSC00336

An overview of Sir Gilbert’s dispositions. Whilst his Artisans have destroyed an enemy section to their front, a large force of so-called Royalists has appeared to their left. In the centre, it can be seen how the relentless pressure from the Police section has reduced the enemy defending the makeshift barricade.

DSC00337

Sir Gilbert’s armoured section finally move into action on the extreme left. They had been delayed due to the time required to raise steam in their boilers. However, they soon make their presence felt against the so-called Royalists

DSC00338

Withering fire from the POUM Ladies helps to sweep the enemy from the barricades

DSC00339

The Bulk Importers, their ranks largely made up of raw recruits after losses in previous battles, advance courageously against immensely strong enemy positions

DSC00340

Drama in the centre as the anti-tank team make continuous attacks on the enemy behemoth and finally effect its total destruction. Despite the tragic striking down of team member Nanny Pankhurst, her heroic colleague “Mad” Wullie McSpaniel pressed home the attack with total success

DSC00341

As “Mad” Wullie completes the destruction of the enemy armour, the POUM Ladies continue to rake the barricade supported by the Police

DSC00342

A close-up of the centre where the inevitable defeat of the enemy looks certain

 

DSC00343

Charge…! The Police storm the barricade, supported by M. Picardy and Barry Glissade. The enemy are defeated and routed

DSC00345

At the other end of the village, heavy weapons keep Sir Gilbert’s ally at bay

DSC00346

Confusion in the centre of the village as the criminal hierarchy realise the game is up

DSC00347

VICTORY – as the Golden Valley men leap the barricade and take the village….

FOOTNOTE: Nanny Pankhurst. As her inert body was carried from the field, it was observed there were slight signs that she yet lived. Dr Bill “Tiny” Savage was summoned. The burly, nineteen stone doctor took out his stethescope and knelt beside the stricken herroine. He reached to undo the top button on her sturdy gabardine macintosh amd that was the last thing he was aware of for the next 15 minutes until he woke up sitting propped against a tree with Nanny Pankhurst waving a bottle of smelling-salts under his nose. “Dr Savage,” she said, “No man has ever dallied with my buttons and no man ever will. Now let me attend to your black-eye.”

Much later, when Violet Ironsides, 2nd-in-command of the Ewyas Harold WI section congratulated Nanny on her amazing survival, she was told:

“Miss Ironsides, in battle, never underestimate the value of whalebone-reinforced corsetry.”

Battle of Bredwardine Bridge

Posted on

News of shady manouvering amongst the various seedy factions that support the usurper – fascists, misguided aristocratic ladies and eccentric countryside pressure groups, for example – forced Sir Gilbert Hill to once again turn reluctantly from his benevolent and paternalistic care of his dependents and followers. Although contrary to his fervent desire for peace, he did not shirk his duty when the necessity for armed intervention became evident.

The strategically important bridge at Bredwardine was under threat from the enemy and Sir Gilbert, ably supported by those staunch allies the Bishop of Ludlow and the Reverend Captain Verity, made haste to deny free passage of the bridge to his sinister foes.

Initial deployments

The field was split by the river Wye and both sides had forces on either side.Sir Gilbert and the Anglicans deployed with the Bishop of Ludlow to the west and Captain Verity and Sir Gilbert to the east. Sir Gilbert’s role was to rush men in motor transport to the bridge whilst his armoured section held off Lady Maud’s platoon. Captain Verity was to move through the woods and buildings on Sir Gilbert’s flank and complete the securing of the bridge. The Bishop of Ludlow was to crash through the Malvern eccentrics and take the west end of the bridge, crushing any BUF between himself and the forces of Captain Verity and Sir Gilbert on the eastern side. This plan was made by Sir Gilbert in his customary authoritative style. His allies offered suggestion for minor changes that Sir Gilbert graciously accepted. The plan proceeded smoothly and with total success. Free passage of the bridge was denied to the usurper’s ghastly minions.

The usurper’s forces deployed the detestable BUF platoon, led by the infamous and equally detestable “Captain” Arrowsmith, west of the river accompanied by the reactionary, decrepit eccentrics from the Malvern Hills. To the east, they deployed the colourful force of Lady Maud, a brave but misguided aristocrat of the old school.

Sir Gilbert's First Section begins its successful race for the bridge, supported by the steam armoured car. Opposite, Lady Maud's force approaches tentatively.

Sir Gilbert’s First Section begins its successful race for the bridge, supported by the steam armoured car. Opposite, Lady Maud’s force approaches tentatively. In the background, the fascists slither forward.

Sir Gilbert's 1st Section

Sir Gilbert’s 1st Section

Lady Maud's armoured car crawls forward

The forces of the Bishop of Ludlow prepare to strike righteous fear into the hearts of the Malvern decrepits

The forces of the Bishop of Ludlow prepare to strike righteous fear into the hearts of the Malvern decrepits

The disorderly Malvern throwbacks, with some support from godless BUF infernal machinery

The disorderly Malvern throwbacks, with some support from godless BUF infernal machinery

BUF running-dog, fascist hyenas begin there short stay on the bridge

BUF running-dog, fascist hyenas begin their short stay on the bridge

 

 

BUF armour supported by eccentric units of the Malvern eccentrics

BUF armour supported by eccentric units of the Malvern eccentrics

 

 

Sir Gilbert's magnificent, modern, motorised force advances. The force is led by the 1st section, dashing for the bridge in their van. They are spported by the steam-powered armour and the WI section, advamcing on foot to cover the flank

Sir Gilbert’s magnificent, modern, motorised force advances. The force is led by the 1st section, dashing for the bridge in their van. They are supported by the steam-powered armour and the WI section, advamcing on foot to cover the flank

Lady Maud's armoured car deploys to oppose Sir Gilberts steam car.

Lady Maud’s armoured car deploys to oppose Sir Gilbert’s steam car

The Bishop of Ludlow's mighty machines prepare to smite the foe

The Bishop of Ludlow’s mighty machines prepare to smite the foe

Sir Gilbert's 1st Section deploys fpr action, su[[prted by the stam car. In the background, a fascist wasves flags

Sir Gilbert’s 1st Section deploys for action, supported by the steam car. In the background, a fascist waves flags

Sir Gilbert's attack proceeds according to plan

Sir Gilbert’s attack proceeds according to plan

Sir Gilbert's steam tank single-handedly holds off the massed might of Lady Maud's attack

Sir Gilbert’s steam tank single-handedly holds off the massed might of Lady Maud’s attack

Lady Maud's ladies advance towards Sir Gilbert's WI section

Lady Maud’s ladies advance towards Sir Gilbert’s WI section

A detached section of Lady Maud's advances towards Sir Gilbert's 3rd section - the Welsh gangsters Nationalists

A detached section of Lady Maud’s advances towards Sir Gilbert’s 3rd section – the Welsh gangsters Nationalists

Fascist hooligans creep across the bridge, supported by an armoured quadricycle

Fascist hooligans creep across the bridge, supported by an armoured quadricycle

Sir Gilbert and allies complete the denial of the bridge to the enemy

Sir Gilbert and allies complete the denial of the bridge to the enemy

Sir Gilbert, as ever. on the front line, is handed an important message by his butler

Sir Gilbert, as ever on the front line, is handed an important message by his butler

Sir Gilbert's 1st section in hand-to-hand combat with the fascists at the bridge. They may lack fine uniforms but the men of 1st section more than make up for this with their fighting spirit

Sir Gilbert’s 1st section in hand-to-hand combat with the fascists at the bridge. They may lack fine uniforms but the men of 1st section more than make up for this with their fighting spirit. In the foreground, Mad Wullie McSpaniel seeks to come to grips with the enemy armour

On Sir Gilbert's right, the ladies of the WI prepare to halt the advance of Lady Maud's platoon

On Sir Gilbert’s right, the ladies of the WI prepare to halt the advance of Lady Maud’s platoon

The defeated BUF hooligans retreat ater their drubbing at the hands of the 1st section. The beastly, squat form of the BUF tank sits immobile, trapped between Sir Gilbert and The Bishop of Ludlow, The bridge is denied to the usurper's lackeys and Sir Gilbert and allies triumph once again

The defeated BUF hooligans retreat ater their drubbing at the hands of the 1st section. The beastly, squat form of the BUF tank sits immobile, trapped between Sir Gilbert and The Bishop of Ludlow, The bridge is denied to the usurper’s lackeys and Sir Gilbert and allies triumph once again